The Idiot Next Door
by Julian-and-Ivy-Always
Summary: A goofy look on the citizens of Harmony. Have a sense of humour....
1. Default Chapter

The Idiot Next Door -goofy look on the citizens of Harmony  
-  
  
  
~*~  
(Starts off in the hospital where Julian looks for Eve and finds her alone in a patient's room).  
"Hello Eve,"  
Eve Gasps. "What are you doing here!?" she asks, confused.  
"You told me to come by the hospital today so you could see if my cut healed fine," he answers lightly.  
"Oh," she replies quietly, hitting herself on the head with her hand.  
Julian steps closer to Eve, only inches away from her face.  
"I love you Eve," he whispers.  
"Duh you do," she states the obvious.   
"But I don't love you. I love you, but I don't love you,"  
Julian ignores her and kisses her. Eve starts to pull away but then wraps her arms around his neck,  
pulling him closer to her body.  
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?" A furious T.C. demands to know.  
"T.C!" Eve gradually pulls away, knocking Julian to the ground.   
"There is a very good explaination for this."  
"I'm listening," rage in his eyes burns.  
"It's a new technique to see if you have any diseases," Eve stupidly confesses.  
"Ohhh, I'm soo sorry Eve. Forgive me! Please! You just have to! I know you don't love Julian. Only a stupid  
whore would, but you are so perfect. My perfect Eve. So beautiful and perfect. Just perfect. Did I mention  
to you how perfect you are? So perfect."  
Eve smiles, guilty, and lets T.C. kiss her passionately, while Julian lays on the floor, crying for some  
brandy and cigars.  
~*~  
  
(Sheridan's cottage.)  
"Antonio I think you need to rest now," Sheridan explains like a broken record.  
"But I want to make love to you! NOW! I don't care if I can die at any moment. I want to make love to you!  
Now take off your clothes!" Antonio demands.  
"No, Antonio--"  
"I want sex! Hot, monkey burning sex! You will now get naked..."  
"Like hell she will!" Luis invites himself into the conversation.  
"What do you mean by that, bro?"   
"I mean Sheridan loves--"  
"What Luis means is that it's late and we are all tired and need rest. Right Luis?"   
Luis stands still, his expression blank.  
"Right. Luis is right. I agree with him. Let's all go to bed now after drinking some nice tea. I love tea."  
"I don't want no damn tea!" Antonio yells, knocks down a chair and trips onto a coffee table carelessly.  
"Antonio! He's dead! Oh my god! Luis! We killed him! I don't want to go to jail! It's scary and dirty there!"  
Sheridan cries and cries, saying that Antonio is dead over and over again.  
"I'm not dead," Antonio says in a loudly, laying on the bare ground.  
"Oh my god! He's dead! I can't believe it! Antonio is dead! I'm not over-reacting!" Sheridan cries out again.  
"Now let's go and make love," Luis grins, walks to Sheridan's bedroom, while she tags along.   
~*~  
  
"Kay, I don't love you," Miguel slowly explains.  
"But we made love, Miguel! I gave you my virginity! I gave you some nice sex and let you see me nakey. It's  
not fair! All I want in return is your love!" Kay whines.  
"I like to act like a monkey,"  
"Miguel! Oh Miguel! There's something I have to tell you. It's so important." She grabs his hand.  
"My shoes are pink," Miguel says.  
"Listen to me. I need for you to listen to me and not interrupt me."  
"I have a cat named FeeFee."  
Kay begins to cry. "I love you! There, I said it. I always have and always will. You are my soulmate Miguel.  
When we made love, I felt like my dreams were coming true! When I saw you, noticing me, noticing you, noticing  
me, noticing you watching me get nakey, it was like my whole world was complete. I dreamt about us having sex  
ever since I was a little girl, Miguel. Don't you love me?"  
"I know how to eat a pumpkin."  
"Oh Miguel! I'm going to die now if you say you don't love me!" a knife appears out of no where, and Kay clutches  
it tightly.  
"I---am---your---father--"   
"Miguel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm coming to you now!!!!!" Charity yells out.  
Kay quickly grabs onto Miguel and kisses him wildly, while Charity prepares to model her new hospital gown.  
"Miguel, whats going on?" Charity sees everything.  
"Nothing," Miguel says.  
"Oh, OKAY! Now look at my beautiful outfit! I think the red poka dots bring out the blue in my eyes. And the  
nurse gave me a yellow bow to put on my hand. It's so pretty. I love it."  
"I like that bow." Miguel walks away with Charity, leaving Kay alone and all sad.  
~*~ 


	2. It Continues

& The Horror Continues!!  
-  
  
  
~*~  
"I don't love you David, but I love you.   
I want to be with you David, but I love Sam.  
Sam is so hot and sexy, but I love you.  
I love Sam, and I don't love you.  
Oh no...I think I'm confused," Grace Bennett cries out in pain.  
"Calm down Grace. I still want to have sex with you," David explains lovingly.  
"But I love Sam! He is the bestest husband in the world! He still loved me even when I got this awful haircut!"  
David sighs and puts a paperbag over Grace's head.  
"Just shut up," he says, and pulls her close to him, about to press his lips onto the paper.  
"Oh shit," a new voice interrupts. David turns around with Grace, who still has a paper bag over her head.  
"Sam!" she cries out. "What are you doing with Ivy in your arms!?"  
"How the heck can you even see me?" Ivy asks outloud. "Oh ya, you have powers. Silly goosey me!"  
Sam lets go of Ivy and lets her slam onto the ground.  
"It's not what it looks like Grace. I love Ivy!"  
Ivy smiles suddenly, even though she feels pain overwhelming her body.  
"What did you say?" Grace begins to walk towards Sam, once again, still wearing the paper bag.  
"I said I DON'T LOVE IVY!" Sam rolls his eyes. "Are you deaf or something? God! I want a divorce! Come on Ivy. Get off the ground and come with me!"  
Ivy's grin expands, and hears Grace sobbing.  
"No Sam! I LOVE YOU! DAVID HAS THIS GROSS TOE NAIL AND I THINK IT'S GOING TO ATTACK ME! COME BACK!"  
Sam slams the door shut in Ivy's face, and leaves them all crying.  
"My toenail isn't yucky! It's just deformed!" David sniffs.  
"No! Sam doesn't love me!" Ivy whimpers.  
"Sam is my soulmate! AND HE LEFT ME! Now who will eat my tomato soup cakes?" Grace pauses, and then notices Ivy and David.  
"Hahahahaha!"  
David and Ivy both look at each other in horror. "NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
~*~  
  
"Will you marry me Gwen?" Ethan slips the ring onto her finger before she could say yes.  
"No Ethan! You can't marry her! YOU LOVE ME! I LOVE YOU! WE ARE suppose to be together! NO! NO! NO! NO!"  
Gwen slaps Theresa silly.  
"Shut up, this is suppose to be a romantic moment here," the Hotchkiss woman explains.  
"But Mama said Ethan and I WILL be together! NOOOO!!" Theresa cries some more, her tears beginning to flood the living room.  
"Great! Thanks a lot! You ruined my shoes with your mascara tears!" Ethan slaps Theresa silly.  
Theresa sobs louder, falling onto her face, and begins to kick and scream like a five year old.  
"GROW UP THERESA!" Gwen steps on her.  
"Ethan is mine! Ethan is mine! ETHAN IS MINE! ETHAN IS MINE! I want to have sex with him so badly! PLEASE ETHAN! YOU HAVE TO MAKE LOVE TO ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!"  
"Well..." Ethan begins to change his mind. "Okay!"  
"Ethan!" Gwen yells out loud, slapping him silly.  
"I'm sorry Gwen, but Theresa's titties are bigger than yours. How can you compete with that?   
Look at the sluttish clothes she wears for me.   
Look at all the disguting barbie make up she wears for me.  
Look at how stupid she is acting just to impress me.  
I'm a hopeless romantic for that..."  
Theresa jumps for joy, and tackles Gwen for the ring.  
"Get the hell off me bitch! You idiotic tacko queen! I wish you were dead! I HATE YOU!"  
"Fate. Fate. Fate. Fate." Theresa closes her eyes and repeats. "Fate. Fate. Fate. Fate."  
Ethan and Gwen watch Theresa continue to say 'fate' and both explode from the annoying sound of her voice.  
"FATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE FATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
~*~  
"Yo, yo, yo, yo! Chad in da house, yo!"   
Simone runs towards him, pushing Whitney while at it.   
"Chad!" she exclaims loudly.  
"Yo girl! Get da hell off me, you dig?"  
Whitney manages to get up from the ground and picks up her tennis racket.  
"I will fight for Chad!" she yells.  
Simone looks stunned, but then agrees to the battle.  
"YO, YO, YO! Dis is da bomb, yo! Two girls are fightin for ME! YO!" Chad dances around in a circle.  
Out of no where, a huge box of mud appears and Simone and Whitney begin to fight in it.  
"YOOOO!" Chad drools and continues to dance.  
"Chad is mine!" Simone screams.  
"NO! He made love to me! And I love to play tennis!" Whitney threw some mud towards her sister.  
"Tennis sucks yo! Music is da way to go! Once you win Whitney, we are signing ya up for some music lessons.   
You need da practice.   
And you need a better warddrobe.  
AND you need to fix up your hair.  
AND you need to learn to have sex betta.  
AND you just need to chill out and feel da music.  
You are just too ugly right now. I am sexy. I sexy man, and you look so UN-SEXY.   
We will have to do A LOT OF work on you, Whit, yo.   
You are also retarded so we'll send you back to kindergarden. YOU ARE SO BEHIND them, yo, yo, yo. I am dead sexy, and you aint."  
Whitney fights back a tear and looks at Simone.   
"See? That's true love for you. Always letting you down when you really are feeling bad already."  
Simone runs away crying, and Whitney embraces Chad while he continues to jot down all her negative traits.  
"I love you Chad." Whitney grins.  
"Shut up. You're distracting my concentration, yo." 


End file.
